U. S. Housing’s Ben Carson, Maestro Of Medical Metaphor, Attacks California

building with no vacancy sign in the window
No Vacancy (79197671) photo by Nikolay Loubet is licensed under CC BY 3.0
The neon sign in the window says 'no vacancy.' How would HUD Secretary Dr. Ben Carson interpret this?

Thanks to a FOXBusiness report, the world is aware that Secretary Ben Carson of HUD1 has recently ‘called out’ the Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, for the state’s failure to contain the rise of homelessness.

This immediately leads us to point out other clear facts based on HUD’s alternate view of the Universe.

Defence: Fresno’s local militia need not begin hostilities to counter the invasion of America until the enemy troops reach the 30mph signs at the edge of town.

Interstate Highways: Los Angeles need not repair or maintain any portion of an interstate highway except those sections which lie beneath metropolitan area traffic jams.

Water: Sacramento may divert 100% of the water in the Sacramento River to its own purposes. In a HUD alternative universe, there is no downstream.

Space: Eureka may — nay must — launch its own satellites, which must hover directly over the city to beam down Netflix or other streaming services while simultaneously zapping incoming ICBMs with reruns of the Brady Bunch (see Defence).

It seems to have eluded the notice of the folks at HUD that California homeless . . . wait for it . . . do not have homes. Thus they have no address or fixed location, beyond being somewhere in the United States. They are, theoretically at least, fluidly mobile. Given the historic eagerness of local municipalities to buy bus tickets for people who are homeless to leave town, they can be mobile in a practical sense as well.

Homelessness, like defence, space, and interstate travel, is clearly only manageable as a national responsibility. Local governments that make a superhuman effort to provide shelter immediately face consequences. Homeless people migrate towards communities making the extra effort, and rapidly overwhelm the limited local resources.2

Instead of lifting thumb to nose and waggling ‘nyaa nyaa’ fingers at a state governor, Ben Carson might better practice the move in the mirror. So might Ben Carson’s boss.

This is absolutely a leadership-from-the-top crisis. And it’s absolutely missing.

Read more at FOXBusiness, including a perplexing further interview linked within the article. That interview seems to imply that homelessness, as well as provision of essential transitional supports, cannot be solved by “Throwing Money at Homelessness.” We wait with bated breath to learn what Carson plans to use instead of money. Puzzle it out for yourself if you like: Ben Carson: California Homelessness ‘At Crisis Level’


  1. HUD — the US Department of Housing and Urban Development
  2. Try:Portland’s Local ‘Right To Shelter’ Couldn’t Drain A National Ocean Of Homelessness